


i love you, please don't go away

by baka_bitch



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Banana Fish Ending Fix-It, Fluff, I Love You, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Protective Ash Lynx, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29976852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baka_bitch/pseuds/baka_bitch
Summary: A fanfiction I wrote in fifteen minutes at 10 o clock at night because I'm sad about Banana Fish.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Kudos: 24





	i love you, please don't go away

**Author's Note:**

> im sad 
> 
> i havent technically finished watching banana fish yet, but i have spoilers so heres my totally unrealistic but happier alternate ending.
> 
> TW: this fic contains mentions of suicide. If this is a trigger for you, don't read this fic.

“Ash, what are you doing?”

Ash jumped in his chair. He shoved the note he’d been writing into one of the drawers in his wooden desk and stood up and spun around so quickly that his chair toppled over backwards behind him.

“Nothing.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“I’m just writing a letter!”

Eiji sighed. “Show me the letter.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a secret.”

“Give me the fucking letter Ash, I’m going to count to ten.”

“Who are you, my mom?!”

“One, two, three…” Eiji was a little hurt that Ash wasn’t showing him what he was writing. He knew he didn’t have a girlfriend, but was it a love letter to someone? “Seven, eight, nine-”

“Fine! Go ahead! If you insist on invading my privacy, go ahead! Goddammit, Eiji.” 

Eiji felt a little bad, but he couldn’t go back now. He opened the drawer, reached in and fished around until his fingers clasped a small, folded piece of paper. He opened it and read it aloud.

“Dear Eiji- why were you hiding it if you were just going to give it to me anyway?” Eiji was really confused. Ash was making no sense.

“Just shut up and read it.”

“I’m writing this note to you-”

“Not aloud, dipshit!”

“Oh well, excuse me! Hmph!”

Eiji kept reading.

_ Dear Eiji, _

_ I’m writing this note to you because when you read it, I will be gone. There’s nothing for me here. Please don’t be mad. _

_ It’s just too hard for me. There are days I can’t even function properly because I’m too upset. I just think it’s my time, and I need you to accept that. _

_ I’m sorry and I love _

And the note ended there. 

Eiji was horrified. He knew Ash had trauma, but he’d seemed so much happier lately. He thought Ash had been able to leave it all in the past. He thought he’d been able to make Ash happy.

He thought he’d made a difference. That he’d given Ash a purpose. That Ash would never lie to him.

He’d been wrong, obviously.

He didn’t know how to react. All his emotions were competing and they were all threatening to come out at the same time. He was angry, sad, offended, sorry, upset. But most of all he felt bad that Ash had been going through this all alone without the comfort and support of his best friend.

“I didn’t know that’s how you felt.”

“I’m sorry, onii chan, please don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry!” cried Eiji, his eyes welling up with tears. “I’m just ashamed that you were going through something like this and I wasn’t there for you! I didn’t help you! I couldn’t see!”

Ash was taken aback by his answer. Here Eiji was, blaming himself again. He’d never anticipated that Eiji would be this disturbed by the thought that he was considering committing suicide. He’d never had anyone care that deeply about him in his life.

Before he could voice this, Eiji wrapped him up into the tightest hug he’d ever experienced.

Well, it was the only hug he’d ever experienced.

His eyes widened before he carefully and softly touched his hands to Eiji’s upper back. His vision became blurry and he couldn’t hold back tears anymore. And so he cried into Eiji’s arms.

They loved each other. They both knew it. They didn’t have to tell each other. And they knew that this kind of love was the kind that lasted, that they would never be apart. And that gave Ash strength to go on.

He vowed that he would never, ever leave Eiji as long as he lived.


End file.
